He Said She Said and then They Said…

Sunday, 08 July 2007 10:25

Communication between two or more people can be a challenge. Even when we think we are doing a good job, chances are the results aren’t what we think they should be.

Gurus such as Stephen Covey say that most conflict stems from communication barriers. I tend to agree.

Imagine the communication roadblocks that can present themselves when a major life changing event occurs such as bariatric surgery. Why is good communication so important? Because the side effects of poor communication can be devastating. Your spouse may be afraid of losing the person they know and love but doesn’t understand how to express these feelings in the right way. Instead, other behaviors pop up such as avoidance. Your children might discover an inability to adapt to a changing lifestyle in the house. They like the mom or dad they have right now.

On the far end of the spectrum, in some cases, divorce or separation can happen if communication shuts down.Swallowing our feelings is a reason why many of us eat in the first place. We medicate ourselves through food. It helps erase thoughts and feelings for a short time. It’s comforting to eat foods that we know give us that immediate gratification. However, we recognize that longer term this kind of silence and consolation is detrimental to our health. Reversing this negative behavior and reversing this eating cycle stemming from communication conflict is imperative.

Taking time to address how to communicate is a stepping stone toward progress and happier endings. It might be through counseling sessions with someone you trust. It could be a therapist or a pastor that serves in this facilitative capacity. This vital piece of your plan of care is establishing successful two way communication channels with those you love and care about: spouse, children, parents, dear friends, relatives, and significant others. It is also knowing how to address sensitive times when “meaningful” acquaintances try to steer you away from the action steps you have set up for yourself.Learning the skills of providing direct feedback, ignoring ridiculous and hurtful suggestions or comments, and/or getting damaging feelings out in a healthy way so you don’t sabotage your own progress can be hard.

I know it’s certainly easier said than done.So, what else can you do?As with all learned skills, practice helps. This may include some role play exercises, for example. I find that this is helpful in my own life and it might come in handy for your success. Think of worse case scenarios and write them down, then ask a close friend to act these scenarios out with you. Practice giving healthy responses. Then, in time, it will feel natural. You will have to eventually include the other folks in your close circle to make this truly work. But it’s okay to start with yourself.

Achieving a comfort level in your life first and foremost is a wonderful way to begin.In the meantime, feedback to this blog is welcome!! Learning to communicate can start in this kind of environment as well. Share your thoughts and experiences and tell me what works and what doesn’t in the complex world of communication. I look forward to hearing from you.

Visit www.newhopetalk.com where you can find the Carole's Corner Forum, I look forward to hearing from you!

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